Porn makes me objectify the person I am dating . . .
First off, I have come to the realization that we have heard the word “objectifying” on many levels and in many ways especially when it comes to women. I feel like we have used objectify so much that we have forgotten or never realized what its full meaning is. Women are not as innocent as we sometimes make them out to be. The implications of the word are not enough to understand objectification.
So I’ll let Wikipedia remind us or inform us of what “Sexual objectification” is:
“Sexual objectification refers to the practice of regarding or treating another person merely as an instrument (object) towards one's sexual pleasure, and a sex object is a person who is regarded simply as an object of sexual gratification. Objectification more broadly is an attitude that regards a person as a commodity or as an object for use, with little or no regard for a person's personality or sentience. Objectification is most commonly examined at a societal level, but can also arise at an individual level.”
One of the problems that come with viewing porn is a dangerous mindset that causes us to objectify people. We view them as objects of lust simply to fantasize about them or we put expectations on them to satisfy our sexual needs like it’s their sole purpose. We take away our humanity and their humanity when we stop viewing them as humans and people that God created loves and died for. In the process, we also take away our humanity and we end up doing vicious things.
We can end up hurting the person that we are dating when we have the wrong view of them. When we see others as objects we not only take away their humanity of sorts, but we also have no respect for them as a person. When you view people like this it is hard to put their needs above your own wants. It becomes impossible to understand what is best for them.
No relationship can be healthy if you don’t respect each other. When you objectify other people sometimes you don’t even hurt them but every time you always hurt yourself, only viewing people as objects to satisfy yourself you end up just looking for gratification, with expectations that may not even be able to be meet. Objectifying people is not a lifestyle that will bring satisfaction except in the moment. But who wants to work so hard for satisfaction that surpasses all understanding is only found in Christ. I’ve been in both places and I can vouch for this, Christ is more satisfying than lust.
To those people who may be in a relationship with a person who objectifies people no matter how much they may say that they love you, if their love comes with conditions or if they put expectations upon you may want to reevaluate the relationship.
So, in short here are three simple things to do if you are in a relationship and you have found yourself objectifying the person you are dating. . .
Realize that you have a problem. Make sure if you are still involved with porn make the steps to tell someone if you haven’t already, seek accountability, and seek additional help.
Work on changing your mindset, the biggest root of objectifying is because of the mindset that porn puts you in.
Re-evaluate your relationship. Is it healthy? Seek wise counsel and decide what’s best for you and the person you are dating. If you’re not married then maybe you should take a break? Or break up?
Since objectifying people is more of a “me” problem and comes from selfishness the best way to combat selfishness is selflessness. Think of others. So if it’s the person you’re dating who you’re struggling with objectifying then find random selfless acts to do for them, even ones that you wouldn’t particularly want to do would be great! Also with any objectifying problem it helps to remind yourself that they are real people with real struggles, loves, losses, joys and heartaches. They are someone’s son or daughter. Even praying for them helps get the focus off yourself and on to them and Christ. Right where it should be.